A Simple Change Equals A World Of Difference

Over the last year and a half, I think the world’s theme song needs to be David Bowie’s Changes and I am sure that each of you reading this will have your idea for a song but since this is my writing, suck it up buttercup and deal with my choice. Now that we have...

It Is Not Okay And I Am Not Fine

No matter how awesome our lives are on this fine day, there are going to be times of doubt, hardship, loss, and pain we are all going to have to work through. As I sit this morning sipping a morning cup of coffee, my mind has drifted to the memory of an amazing friend. In...

A Not So Sexy Thought

Have you ever noticed how people involved in the D/S lifestyle will reblog an erotic imagine a zillion times, share a meme about what a good d or s type is without a second thought, but when it comes to discussing things that I think are more important like safety and lifestyle education there is...

Dear Lifestyle, We Have A Consent Problem

Recently, I discovered a shocking statistic that within the first five years of joining or exploring the D/S lifestyle, one in five people report that they had an incident where their consent was violated. The most often reported incident was the failure to respond appropriately to or respect a safeword. This research was done by...

Airing Some Clean Laundry

A pet peeve of mine, especially online is the number of posts, writings, and memes that are about relationship failure rather than success. The online community feels to me like it is infected with the same disease so prominent in the vanilla world and this illness is an addiction or craving for the bad news....

Yucking On My Yum

The world of D/S is incredibly diverse and there are so many different ways to approach things, do things and what works for others may not a fit for you. As an ENFJ on the Meyers Briggs personality scale, I know that I am prone to making judgments and one of the beautiful things about...

If Dominance Is Leadership, What is Leadership?

This morning as I bumbled around the internet waiting for a conference call to start I happened to find a blog post that had fifteen steps to become an alfalfa, aka ‘alpha’, dominant.  It had wonderful advice such as never take “no” for an answer ever and that weirded me out. Can you imagine a...

Mistakes Are Learning Opportunities

It feels that there is a common refrain from submissives who have decided to continue to explore the D/S lifestyle after making errors in judgment early in their exploration and this goes like “I cannot believe I did that” or “How could I have let someone treat me that way”. The wonderful thing about mistakes...

Breaking A Submissive Is A Bad Idea

Within the world of BDSM, there are many dangerous activities as well as downright dangerous and despicable people but thankfully there are many authors, presenters, seminars, blogs, as well as people who share their stories so others can learn from them. I feel this is an important topic, often not talked about, and a word...

Lifestyle Trainer Equals Lifestyle Danger

When someone says trainer to you what do you think of? The medical staff that runs out to assist an athlete who was hurt playing a sport, maybe it is the people who work with a thoroughbred as the horse makes a bid to win the triple crown, possibly someone who comes to your workplace...

Stop The Insanity

Albert Einstein is widely credited with saying “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results” and while I have no idea if that is indeed an authentic Einstein quote or just misattributed to him but it certainly applies to the D/S, especially online. Since this quote...

Polly, Can We Talk?

When I hop around the kinky side of the internet it seems that there has been a spate of blog posts about poly relationships gone sideways. While many seemed to be filled with drama as people on all sides were not willing to stay above the fray and the amount of dramatic back and forth...